Diary of a Curious Mind | Entry One

Making Friends with the Devil – Changing the Yuck to Yay

I launched my website.  I published a post.  I stepped into the arena.

This is the first official entry in Diary of a Curious Mind—a space where I reflect, reckon, and get honest about the inner workings behind the outer steps.

And yesterday, I took a big one.

I did something I’ve spent years avoiding.
I made my website live.
I shared my writing.
I posted publicly.
Fully seen.

And the truth is—it didn’t come from confidence.  It came from courage and clarity.

Social media is not a natural habitat for me.

In my personal life—and especially in my work as a therapist—I’ve seen first-hand how dangerous it can be.  The toxicity, the cruelty, the way it amplifies the worst of human behaviour—it can be brutal.  The epitome of yuck.

So why, after all this time actively avoiding it, am I voluntarily stepping into that space now?

When the Comfort Zone Stops Being Comfortable

Something inside me was nudging.
Pushing me to explore.
To step beyond the safety of my known cave and into unfamiliar territory.

I can safely say I’ll never take on Everest, but humans—by nature—are driven to go beyond.
We climb mountains.  Explore oceans.  Reach into space.

There’s something instinctual about wanting more—until we learn to settle out of fear.

Babies demonstrate this perfectly.  They pull themselves up from lying to standing long before they’ve mastered it.  They don’t wait until they’re ready.  They don’t overthink it.
They don’t stop to ask, “Can I?”—they just do.

If a baby could consciously question their ability, the answer would always be ‘yes!’

And then, somewhere along the way, we start absorbing ‘no’.

The rules.  The doubts.  The conditioning.

The very people who once celebrated our first steps begin—often with love—to teach us to hold back.  To weigh risks.  To fear consequences.  To accept limitation.

From Expansion to Stagnation: What Changes?

From birth, we are wired for growth and exploration.  We seek satiation, satisfaction, self-fulfilment.

When we’re tired, stressed, or overwhelmed, we retreat.  We rest, regulate, recover.
And then we go again.

That’s the natural cycle.

So, what interrupts it?  What turns our drive for more into disquiet, deprivation, and disorder?  Why do we spend so much of our energy on things that limit or harm us?

Because somewhere along the line, we learn the cost, or rather the perceived and anticipated cost, of action.  The fear of what happens if we reach.
If we dare.
If we’re seen.

Naming the Yuck

Social media can be a brutal, soul-sucking battlefield.
Trolls.   Keyboard warriors.  Critics.  Cancel culture.
It can feel like standing in a wind tunnel of judgment—where people throw their worst at you from behind a screen.  And sometimes, that can be too much to bear.

As humans, we are apex predators and pack animals.  We want to win and be safe, protected and connected.

We’re constantly navigating, what I call, the Desire–Cost–Reward Equation.

For us to take action, the desire and reward need to outweigh the cost.

• The desire is what pulls us forward—growth, connection, impact, achievement.
• The cost is what holds us back—not just fear or risk, but the very real expenditure of time, energy, effort, and resources.
• The reward has to be meaningful and sustainable enough to make that cost worth it.

When the cost feels too high—emotionally, practically, physically—we stay in the comfort zone…
Even when it’s no longer comfortable.

Rewriting the Equation

To turn my yuck into a yay, I have to shift the equation.
Make the desire and the reward bigger than the cost.

This isn’t about “positive thinking.”
It has to be real.  Substantial.  Sustainable.

So instead of focusing on the cost of stepping into social media, I shift the lens:

What’s the cost of not doing it?

I could retreat.  Delete it all.  Go back to quiet, private comfort.
And that would feel great—for a moment.

Like eating a biscuit instead of making a meal.
Quick. Easy. Satisfying.
Until the hunger comes back.

Because it always comes back.

That deep, authentic hunger to stretch, to reach, to step into what I really want?
That doesn’t go away.
And if I ignore it, I’ll just find myself back here again.

So, the real question isn’t:

“What if I fail?”
It’s:
“What’s the risk of not feeding the true hunger?”

From Necessary Evil to True Excitement

Answering that question gives me clarity.
Reminds me why I don’t want to stay stuck.

But let’s be honest—it doesn’t suddenly make this easy.
It doesn’t make me love the process.
It just stops it from being a ‘necessary evil’.

To shift from yuck to yay, I have to work with myself.

• Choose my perspective.
• Ask better questions.
• Journal. Talk. Reframe.
• Connect to what actually excites me.

Because how I approach this, shapes how I experience it.

If I go in expecting it to be draining and hostile...
That’s exactly how it will feel.

But if I lean into trust—if I choose to believe that there’s something valuable on the other side—
Then it becomes a gateway, not a punishment.

I don’t have to love it yet.
I just have to trust that what I want lives on the other side of this resistance.

And I don’t want to miss it.

This is Entry One of Diary of a Curious Mind—
A space for honest reflection, brave nudges, and behind-the-scenes truth-telling as I walk the same path I guide others through.
Here’s to choosing ‘yay’—one conscious step at a time!