We all carry echoes of our younger selves within us—the parts that still feel afraid, unheard, or unworthy.  These inner child wounds don’t just live in our past; they shape our present, influencing how we relate to others, how we see ourselves, and how we respond to life’s challenges.

In my work with clients, I’ve developed a framework to help meet these wounded parts with exactly what they need. It’s called the PAIN Protocol, and it’s a structured way to meet, acknowledge, and integrate our inner child’s deepest wounds.

Why PAIN?

PAIN stands for:

• P – Protection
• A – Affection
• I – Information (age-appropriate)
• N – Nutrition

When we reconnect with our younger selves, we often meet pain.  But instead of avoiding it, dismissing it, or shaming it into silence, we can meet it with these four essential elements, offering what was missing at the time.

This process allows us to heal, integrate, and bring those parts of ourselves into the present—not as wounds to suppress, but as valuable, acknowledged aspects of our being.

Meeting the PAIN: What It Means in Practice

P – Protection

One of the deepest wounds an inner child can carry is the belief that they weren’t safe—physically, emotionally, or psychologically.  Protection doesn’t mean being bubble-wrapped through control, avoidance, or fear; it means recognising where we needed (and still need) boundaries, safety, and a sense of trust in ourselves and others.

When working with clients, I guide them to step into the role of protector for their younger self.  Instead of simply exploring what made them feel unsafe, I ask:

• “What protection do you think your younger self needed then, but that you could provide now?”
• “How can we let them know that they are protected now?”

The focus is on ensuring the inner child knows they are not alone anymore and that it’s not their job to carry the burden of responsibility, to ‘captain the ship’.  Their only job is to be a child—nothing more.  Sometimes, this means offering immediate reassurance.  Other times, the inner child may need to hear an apology before allowing any connection or protection. If they have learned to expect neglect or harm, it takes time for trust to be rebuilt.

For example, let’s return to Sam, a client who has featured in my previous blogs.  Sam recalls a recent interaction with a colleague that left them feeling flat and disconnected. When asked to tune into the feeling, Sam identifies that their emotional response feels like that of their 7-year-old self.  In exploring this, we discover that at 7, Sam experienced bullying with little adult intervention, leaving them to feel invisible and unimportant.

Through PAIN, we meet that younger part of Sam and ensure they hear, “I’m here. You are safe now. I will protect you.”  Sometimes, an inner child may reject this at first, but that resistance is simply a reflection of the wounds they’ve carried.  Trust is built through consistent reassurance and action.

A – Affection

So many of us grew up believing love had to be earned—that we had to behave, perform, or suppress parts of ourselves to be worthy of care.  The affection step is about offering unconditional love and warmth to the part of us that felt undeserving.

In this stage, we:

• Acknowledge the longing for warmth and connection.
• Offer that affection in the way the inner child can receive it, without overstepping their boundaries.

This step is often quiet, tender, and deeply vulnerable, especially as it brings to light the learned rules and experiences around the giving and receiving of affection.

The affection the inner child needs is often very different from what the conscious mind expects or would instinctively offer to a real-life child.  This is why it’s crucial to meet the inner child exactly where they are, allowing them to take in as much or as little as they can tolerate.

For some, affection might only be a gentle presence, a small smile, or kind eyes.  Others might allow a hand resting nearby, a reassuring arm on the shoulder, or even a full hug.  The key is to let the child set the pace, ensuring they feel safe rather than overwhelmed.

As for Sam, their inner 7-year-old was able to tolerate—and welcomed—an arm across the shoulders.

I – Information (MUST be age-appropriate)

Once an inner child feels protected and held in affection, they often have questions—questions they may not have had the words to ask at the time, but which shaped their view of themselves and the world.

For Sam, their younger self believed “I was wrong for being upset” or “I wasn’t worth protecting.”  Instead of dismissing their experience or ‘telling them off,’ we gently offer new understanding:

• “The way you were treated wasn’t about you—it was about them.”
• “Adults don’t always act the way we need them to, but that doesn’t mean you weren’t worthy of protection.”

By allowing the inner child to push back, question, and sit with the information in their own time, we create space for real healing, rather than simply overriding their experience.

N – Nutrition

Nutrition isn’t just about food—it’s about nourishment.  It’s about recognising that healing doesn’t just come from understanding—it comes from meeting needs that were once denied.

When I guide clients through this, even though it may feel really bizarre, I get them to ask their inner child:

• “If you could have anything to eat or drink right now, what would it be?”

Sam, like most clients, was surprised by what came up—hot buttered toast and chocolate milk, something simple yet deeply comforting.

What matters isn’t what they choose—it’s the act of giving them full permission to have it.

This step tells the inner child:

• “You are allowed to have what you need.”
• “You don’t have to ration or earn this.”
• “There is enough for you.”

 

Once we have met the inner child’s pain, the next part of the protocol is to integrate it into the adult self. This is done through a deeply powerful visualisation exercise.

When the adult self fully embraces this message, it ripples outward—into self-care, self-worth, and the deep knowing that they get to live a life of met needs and healed pain.

 

Final Thoughts

As I say to my clients, we cannot change what we cannot see, and we cannot soothe it either.

Deep childhood wounds don’t just fade with time.  They wait—woven into the way we react, the things we fear, the patterns we repeat.  But waiting isn’t healing.

The PAIN Protocol isn’t about rewriting the past.  It’s about changing how the past still lives in you.  It’s about seeing, listening, and responding to the child who never stopped waiting.

And when we do that—when we meet them with protection, affection, the right information, and nourishment—we stop carrying pain as a legacy.  We start choosing something different.

Healing all the ages and stages of our inner-child is a choice, and every time we make it, we reclaim a little more of who we were always meant to be.