You’d think that once we see what’s been holding us back, change would be easy.  But knowing the problem and breaking the pattern are two very different things.  Awareness is the first step, but it’s not the whole journey.  Here’s why awareness alone isn’t enough—and what actually moves us forward.

 

The ‘Aha’ Moment That Changes Everything—Or Does It?

I see this all the time with clients.  They have a moment of insight—sometimes in session, sometimes on their own—where they suddenly get it.  They understand why they do what they do.  They can name the pattern, trace it back, even recognise when it first started.

And yet, nothing changes.

"I know this comes from my childhood, but that was so long ago, it's not even relevant, so why am I still doing it?"
"I understand why I self-sabotage, but I can't seem to stop."

Have you ever caught yourself saying something similar?  If so, you’re not alone.

This is the frustrating gap so many people find themselves in—standing on the edge of transformation, fully aware of what needs to shift, but still feeling stuck in the same old patterns.  Awareness, for all its brilliance, isn’t the finish line.  It’s just the start.

 

Why Awareness Alone Falls Short

If awareness alone were enough, we’d all be exactly where we want to be.  But knowing isn’t the problem—doing is.  And sometimes, knowing makes doing even harder, because it forces us to face an uncomfortable truth: we are both the problem and the solution.

That’s where frustration and upset kick in.  We see the pattern, but we still hesitate.  We still default to what we’ve always done.  Awareness only takes us to the launchpad of NOW—where change is possible. But standing on the launchpad is not the same as taking off.

Most of us don’t move, change, or challenge our current ways of living because we’re waiting to feel a certain way before we do.  We wait for proof.  We wait for guarantees.  We wait to feel confident. Essentially, we wait to feel safe.

But, and it’s an important but—our current ways of doing things already believe we’re the safest we could be.  Our minds don’t see change as an opportunity; they see it as a threat.

And if our minds don’t believe change is in our best interest?  They will fight it, even when we intellectually know better.

If you’ve read my The Power of Should blog, you’ll remember Sam—the person who felt they ‘should’ be happy in their career but couldn’t shake the feeling of discontent.  Well, Sam’s back, and this time, there’s been a breakthrough.

For years, Sam believed the next job, the next promotion, the next big moment would finally bring the satisfaction they were searching for.  But in our sessions, they came to a realisation: fulfilment had nothing to do with how ‘good’ the job was or how much money they made.

For as long as they could remember, Sam had watched their parents equate happiness with hard work, a ‘good’ job, and financial success.  Sam became aware that their parents' beliefs had shaped their own, dictating choices they hadn’t even realised they were making. They’d never thought to question those internalised beliefs—because to risk going against them meant the possibility of upsetting or disappointing their family. Sam’s spouse and children were also very happy with their job, making the stakes even higher.

The ‘aha’ moment came when Sam realised that what they needed for happiness was not what their parents needed.  Sam left the session with newfound optimism and a determination to finally pursue the fulfilment they craved.

Fantastic!

And yet?

The next time a new opportunity arose for Sam to choose their own mind, their own wants, needs, and desires, they didn't.  Not because they didn’t know better, but because their nervous system had been wired for so long to equate succeeding in a ‘good’ job with external validation, acceptance, and approval. Doing something different felt terrifying—even though, consciously, they desperately wanted the change.

If awareness alone was enough, we’d just do it—the 10,000 steps, the 8 hours’ sleep, and we’d spend less time on our phones!  But transformation isn’t just about knowing—it’s about committing to something else, over and over, until the new way becomes instinctive.

Maybe Sam’s story strikes a chord with you. It certainly did for me.

I know what it’s like to have awareness but still hesitate when it’s time to act.  For a long time, I was held back by the fear of being seen—I felt safer in the shadows of anonymity.

I knew where it came from—I could trace its roots, recognise its presence, even predict when it would show up.

And yet, for years, that awareness alone didn’t change my actions.  I hesitated, overthought, and waited for the fear to magically disappear before I moved forward.

It didn’t.

What changed wasn’t the fear—it was my decision to move anyway.  I stepped into visibility, built my practice, and put my voice into the world not because I stopped feeling scared, but because I stopped letting fear be in charge.

And that’s what real change looks like.

One of the core reasons why we self-sabotage is because we stay stuck in this pattern of knowing but not doing.  It’s a dynamic I explore in my upcoming book on overcoming self-sabotage.  But for now, let’s focus on what you can do today to break the cycle.

 

Final Thoughts

So, what do we do with this conundrum? If our minds resist change in the name of safety, how do we move forward?

It comes down to three key factors:

• Choice – Comfort won’t make the decision for us. We have to consciously and actively choose to take steps towards something new.
• Courage – Change will feel uncomfortable. The conditioned mind will resist. But when we expect it, explore it, and lean in, we learn that fear isn’t the enemy—it’s just part of the process.
• Trust in the process – Learning something new takes time. There will be trial and error, practice, and, yes—mistakes. But mistakes aren’t failure; they’re part of the process. We can acknowledge that discomfort doesn’t mean danger, and that with repetition, what once felt impossible can become instinctive.

 

Standing at the edge of real change can be terrifying, but fear doesn’t mean failure—it means you're about to step into something new.

And I know, without a doubt, that change is possible.  I’ve seen it in my own life and in the lives of those I’ve guided through their own transformations.  The fear may not disappear, but neither does the possibility of something greater on the other side of it.

 

That next step? Take it.

Not when the fear is gone.  Not when you feel ready.  But now.

Because the only way to make the unfamiliar safe is to walk through it—until fear is no longer in charge.